What has made me "resilient"?

I was talking to my youngest daughter’s BFF about survival after a crisis in life. She has her masters in child psychology, currently working on her doctorate.  She responded that it was resilience.  "Resilience" in psychology is the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and adversity.  But where does it come from and how does one get it?  What causes some people to turn to drugs and other means of escape while others are able to go forward and gain strength for having gone through a crisis? I can only give you answers from my own personal experience…I am a survivor.   I look back upon my life experiences very early in life and see numerous crisises that came my way from a very young age.  While to some degree the crisises left me vulnerable to making poor choices because they had happened, yet, somehow I was able to continue forward to arrive eventually at a safe place in life.  So, what was it that allowed me to escape the repercussions that many people suffer, such as addictions?

 I know for a fact that it was faith, my Christianity, and my God.  Yet, ironically, scientific research has not established a connection between spirituality and resilience.  Yet there exists no other answer for me.   If you look at what the American Psychological Associations give as the “10 Ways to Build Resilience”, there is not one of them that, as a child, I would have known to do or had the capacity to do. 

By the time that I was in 4^th grade and really understood the message about God and Jesus, I had been molested by two different individuals.  I had buried the events until later, as many young victims do, only to recall them as a teenager.  But, during that repressed time I heard the story of Jesus and I felt a strong pull towards Him, along with the concepts of goodness and right doing.  I wanted to be a “good girl”.  Like many families, my family suffered from dysfunctional issues. Therefore, my home did not represent a feeling of safety for me.  Because of this, church became my safe place.  My parents would only sporadically attend, so I would have them take and drop me off so that I could go by myself.  I desired and wanted to be around God and Godly people. 

In my teenage years I remember that something sparked my recall and the episodes of molestation surfaced.  By this time Biblical principles of forgiveness had been instilled in me and I found that I was able to forgive the individuals as well as not harbor resentment.   Forgiveness is such a powerful tool as it allows you to go forward and not dwell on the episodes, thus, becoming a prisoner to the event or becoming a victim.  Victimization is the cause of so many people feeling that the only way to get through the pain is through the escape offered with drugs or alcohol.  The need for escape was not there... forgiveness allowed me to go forward.

Unfortunately, some women can and do suffer from eating disorders, sexual confusion, depression and compulsive behaviors as a result.  A predator long gone can hold one captive in their today, robbing them of their tomorrow.  Do I still remember the events?  Certainly!  Do they still resurface on occasion?  Absolutely!  Forgiveness does not mean that you forget about the traumatic event, however, it gives you the leverage in dealing with it.  The resentment, anger and frustrations are now replaced with positive feelings toward the individual, empowering you as you realize that you are the stronger person for the forgiveness that you have given. 

This forgiveness is not colored with expectations that the other person ask for the forgiveness, nor change.  It is a sincere, heart wrenching decision that comes as a result of the Holy Spirit allowing your heart to soften, acknowledge the pain, offer forgiveness, and go forward.  My Christian principles have taught me that I am a sinner and that God sent his Son, Jesus to die for me to pay the penalty of my own sin with His blood, so that I could be offered forgiveness and have eternal life, after death, by simply accepting and trusting Him as my Lord and Savior.  If He would do this for me, who am I that I cannot offer forgiveness for the wrong done to me?  I am the one that wins.

 Resilience?  Possibly....but only because my Lord graciously instilled it in me.